April 1, 2011

ESI Announces Solution

I rarely post product release information or press releases on my blog but this announcement is just too exciting not to share:

ESI Announces Solution to End the Energy Crisis


LACEY, Washington - April 1, 2011
- Engineered Software, Inc. makers of the PIPE-FLO® and PUMP-FLO software, today announced the release CEPO™, a revolutionary new software program capable of converting unused computing power into clean electrical power that can be supplied back to the power grid.
 

When CEPO is installed on a computer, it runs as a transparent background application. When the computer power is not needed for viewing PowerPoint® presentations, reading e-mail, updating Facebook®, or playing solitaire, the patented software converts the unused computing power to electrical power that is returned to the nation’s power grid.

“With CEPO the United States is well on its way to energy independence,” said Ray Hardee, P.E. Chief Engineer at Engineered Software, Inc. “The goal is to employ CEPO to the cloud computing environment. Here owners of major server farms will be able to harvest much of their unused computing power to the grid saving countless megawatts of power each year.”


Currently the process is not self-sustaining and only 95% of the unused power can be returned to the power grid. However, with an expected influx of investment capital for Wall Street investors, the process is capable of becoming self-sustaining within 10 years. Additional assistance may be needed in the form of government tax incentives. Members of congress are already lining up to support the bill, and the company claims there will be plenty of government money available.
 

Once the process is self-sustaining, a simple laptop can produce enough clean energy to power all the LED lighting in a standard size house. By networking just five Windows® PC’s into a hybrid electric car’s electrical system, CEPO can provide sufficient energy to operate the car indefinitely. That is provided the driver of the car does not “Text” while driving, or any of the Windows does not need to be rebooted. If you have the new Apple® iHybrid car there is an "App for that” and you will need to download the Apple CEPO application at your nearest Apple Store location.

“CEPO will be used by power companies to generate electricity so cheaply that there will be no need to meter the power to their customer,” said Alec Tricity, Manager for Public Utilities Incorporated. “Imagine all the power we need, without having to pay to any foreign oil interests, and full employment at home. I can hardly wait the 10 years until we have everything worked out.”
 

For more information about this faux product please contact april@fools.net.



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